Ok, so we're all about ready to accept that Kim Kardashian: Hollywood is a big deal on the App Store, regardless of your own personal feelings on the matter. However, did you know there are valuable life lessons to learn from it? And I don't just mean that it's a friendly reminder that stepping away from your iPhone is a very good idea sometimes, or that perhaps when you find yourself writing about such games for a living that you should consider a career change. No, I mean it teaches you valuable lessons that you can apply to real life scenarios. Honest.
Look how frowny-faced that guy looks. Isn't he just so fed up? Some might say it's thanks to those tight looking braces he's wearing, obviously cutting into his shoulders a little too much. Fortunately, Kim Kardashian: Hollywood
has some wise advice to offer. He needs to be charmed! Yup! Folks, you need to make room in your day to chat to people and remind them just how charming you really are. The more shallow the comment you make to them, the better. No one cares about depth in this world.
Fortunately, such charm can easily be applied either through some very expensive and hard to gain premium currency, or you can simply mention that you know Kim Kardashian. Because everyone's impressed by her presence, right? Right? Don't expect Mr Grumpypants to cheer up any time soon, though.
Journalists are leeches. WAIT. I don't mean me, I'm nice! You know the kind I mean. Lon Garrera here demonstrates the problem. If it wasn't for that media badge, he'd just be a random stalker with a camera, just waiting for a restraining order to strike him down.
It's a long, long path to stardom. Just ask any celebrity, assuming they're willing to speak to someone as lowly as you. While you could probably get cosy with the right celebrities to work your way up through the ranks, Kim Kardashian: Hollywood
goes the classier route, expecting you to work your way up to stardom through grit and determination. Oh, and time. Lots and lots of time. And busywork.
If you try to talk to someone of the opposite sex in public, odds are someone's going to think you're an aspiring home wrecker. No, I don't know why either, but Kim Kardashian: Hollywood
seems pretty convinced of this fact. You need to come up with a date or two to seem less threatening. Always, always have a date spare, even if you're perfectly happy single. The Kim Kardashian life is pretty archaic on that front.
Talent isn't everything. Money, clothes, cars, and homes are all that really matters in terms of being successful and famous. Sad but true if this game is anything to go by. Feel free to weep in a corner.
Also, knowing the right people is everything. Absolutely everything. In real life, Kim Kardashian won't give you the time of day, but let's pretend that she would be this keen to help people get along. Otherwise fame is a much, much trickier path.
Kim Kardashian: Hollywood
does offer one sensible piece of advice, though. Interested in someone and they're interested in you? Go for it, regardless of if they're the same gender as you, it doesn't matter. It's the 21st century, and while our century is increasingly dominated by the importance of materialism and being in the public eye at all times, we have at least made some progress in terms of acceptance.
Kim Kardashian: Hollywood is available now on the App Store and it's a free download. I hear it's sucking up people's time. In my case, it's merely broken my soul a bit.