Squishmallows Match hides its banality under a shield of adorability

If you are a fan of all things cute and cuddly, then you probably already know about Squishmallows. They are adorable stuffed toys that took the world by storm, to the point that if they gained sentience and banded together, I don’t think we could take them. Apocalypse aside, the official Squishmallows Match game has launched on Android and Apple, and I got to say...

Really?

Our delightful colleague Catherine over at Pocket Gamer took a look at this in an Ahead of the Game article and was besotted. It is a Match-3; we all know how they go at this point. It also comes with a lot of flashy board clears and a built-in Claw Machine to keep you pulling new toys, and just stop it now.

Since time immemorial, we have been overrun by these match games. Go get the Nokia brick from your parents' drawer. It will still have 50% battery, as well as Snake and Candy Crush Saga. Don’t fact-check that. The point is, the genre has been done to death. But even worse, the games barely ever change.

Squishmallow Match trades on the cuteness of its products; that's how it will grip you. And that is the problem. It is geared to attract children, which usually would be fine. A nice entry level to the genre. However, it hides something nefarious under its bonnet: a Season Pass! Not just any pass, it has a VIP Pass, and that's what really annoys me. 

If you want to make another generic match-3, go for it, have fun. And maybe I am just a big old cynic, but this just seems like a lazy cash grab. One where they are hoping the cute mascots and flashy pictures will entrap children to buy that bloody VIP Pass.

You have to make money, Eastside Games, I get it, but put some effort into it at least.