Developer: Konami
Price: $0.99
Version Reviewed: 1.0.0

Graphics / Sound Rating: ★★★½☆
Game Controls Rating: ★★★★½
Gameplay Rating: ★★★★☆
Re-use / Replay Value Rating: ★★★½☆

Overall Rating: ★★★★☆

Sexyface partytime high-five 9000. Yes, these are the words that come to my head when trying to sum up my thoughts of Tomena Sanner. I’m fairly certain that only in the Japanese language can this game be described in normal context. Konami’s own description of the game is this, “As businessman Hitoshi Susumu, players are on a mission to race against the clock while avoiding obstacles like T-Rexes, samurais and cowboys that get in their way in order to reach their ultimate dance party destination.”

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Something mind blowing must be in the water in Japan.

Tomena Sanner is at its core is a rhythm based running game, much like the popular app, Canabalt. All you do is tap on the screen when an obstacle gets in your way. The closer you are to your obstacle when you tap it, the better the outcome is. For instance, when you run towards a strange giraffe man, you can either hit the button in time to jump over, or you can hit it right on time and kick the giraffe man into oblivion, sending some awesome Japanese text onto the screen while giving you a speed boost. Who knows what it says, but my guess is, “Ultra Mega Soup Pants!!!”. Oddly enough, if you miss the jump, the giraffe man does something that I can only guess is farting on you, which temporarily knocks you out, slowing you down in the process. Watch out though… if you get slowed down/ farted on enough times, the left side of the screen will catch you and you will lose. After you are done dodging obstacles and mindlessly running across the screen, you reach the end of the level which brings the best end of level prize in the history of gaming. Mario be damned with his silly flag poles, Tomena Sanner has a dance platform (complete with the text “PARTY TIME” hanging above) that you play a short rhythm based music game on (what?!?!).

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While the graphics and sound are nothing to write home about, they just ooze of Japanese game show. What they lack in polish, they make up ten fold in jalapeno lime burn fire gun! This game is really starting to mess up my brain. By the time I beat all 9 levels and get to the Endless mode, I fear that my mind will completely be mush.

Sure, Tomena Sanner could ultimately be described as mindless rabble (and it is), but so is watching a 6 hour MXC marathon… and boy do I like MXC. If funny Japanese things don’t interest you, then DO NOT buy this one… you’ll like it about as much as a scorpion bite. But, if the insanity of the land of the rising sun is your thing, then get it now.

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