Dark Break Review

Asian anime style rail shooters aren't for everyone, but the little nagging issues in Dark Break will drive even the most die-hard fans nuts. I'll preface this review by saying that I am playing the game on an iPhone 4, and that it is horribly apparent to me that the game was built and meant to be played on an iPad only.

The first hint I got that maybe the game wasn't meant to be played on a small screen was when I was presented with a wonderfully drawn, graphic novel style intro that had the smallest font known to man. Not only was the font small, but the text only appears on the screen for a limited time, just long enough for your eyes to focus and figure out what's going on in the picture. The game blasts you through some king of hackneyed story of Gaia coming to save the world from the angry lava god, but it's all very disorienting with the tiny fonts and the quick speed.

You are then given the choice to play as one of three buxom anime girls that act very innocent but cover very little. I'm not saying that every girl that half covers their triple sized chest is trouble... wait, maybe I am. I first picked the exorcist buxom heroine thinking that I would get a dark story of death and chaos, but I am quickly thrown into another graphic novel, only this time I am zoomed into a girls crotch (get used to this, as just about every graphic novel cut-scene has a girl crotch zoom in). The story then goes on to show that you are playing as a teenager with typically amplified anime angst (and a penchant for tiny tops with incredible support).

After being completely disoriented by the first two cut-scenes and character selection, you are presented with the most disastrous "how to" screen in the history of iPhone gaming. It makes me wonder if the developers just have a thing for font size 1. Take a look, not only are the fonts tiny, but there are words hanging off of the screen.

Ok, so on to the game. As a rail shooter, I'm not really sure what to say about Dark Break. The graphics are all fairly well done, and it seems like there is plenty of action, but it doesn't really feel like there is much strategy involved in winning. Just fly around the screen using the accelerometer or touch controls and hold the attack button. There's also a special attack button that kills everything on the screen and a way to power up your regular attack, but holding down the main button seemed to work just fine for me. Think of Dark Break as Panzer Dragoon, but without the skill needed to win.

To be honest, there's just too much going on here to really care about the game itself. The story makes very little sense, the characters make even less sense, and the gameplay itself really doesn't seem to require a whole lot of strategy. Maybe I'm just missing the point, but everything just seems so slopped together and dirty that it makes me want to take a shower. And seriously, I'm not a prude or anything, but does every cut scene have to start with a female panty shot?