Monday Morning App HQ - The Apology

Posted by Chris Hall on December 14th, 2009

Dear 148apps reader,

I'm sorry to inform you that I have been compromised. I've tried over the past few months to be as impartial as possible towards the iPhone, but I in fact suffer from the Stockholm Syndrome ... you know, where after a certain time of captivity you start to love your captors. My biggest regret in the world is exposing the masses, particularly you, dear reader, to hurtful propaganda. For that, I am sorry.

I am also sorry for beginning this story at the end... it is a cheap tactic to get people sucked into reading worthless babble (which this absolutely isn't). My enlightenment all started when I was brought to the attention of a recent report done by Strand Consults, "one of the leading authorities on mobile technologies, revenue models and distribution strategies". These wily Scandinavians recently put out an article titled "How will psychologists describe the iPhone syndrome in the future?" and a report titled "The moment of truth, a portrait of the iPhone", both of which have changed me forever.

The first article, "How will psychologists describe the iPhone syndrome in the future?", discusses "the approach that Apple and the iPhone fans have had to the product, and the energy they have spent defending the product despite the shortcomings and limitations of both past and present versions of the iPhone". The article then goes on to list 20 things that iPhone owners have been defending since the inception of the device, simultaneously exposing how warped our feeble minds really are. I mean, once I get my mind past the fact that the Apple has cultivated an App Store that has over 100,000 apps and that the UI is so simple that my little sister can use it, I do realize that I should've called it a day when I couldn't use MMS. I mean, this is a phone first and foremost. It pains me to learn of the shroud that was placed over my eyes for all this time. The fact that I'm not using a "real smartphone" that can run background apps, like a Blackberry, is inexcusable. Sure I may have to carry a Nintendo DS and an iPod to get the same feature set, but specialization really is the way of the world. Would you want to buy a car that makes you breakfast? Of course not! That new car smell would be gone in weeks! How about a toaster that doubles as a coffee maker? Absurd.

The followup report, at this point, is just too much to grasp. Titled, "The moment of truth, a portrait of the iPhone", it is sure to expose truths that I simply cannot handle.

In the report we take a close look at the 10 largest myths about the iPhone:

1. The iPhone drives data traffic into mobile operators networks
2. The iPhone helps operators attract new customers
3. The iPhone is good business for mobile operators
4. The iPhone is dominating the mobile services market
5. App store is a huge success that has revolutionised the services market
6. There is money to be made by developing applications for the iPhone
7. It is iPhone customers that are generating the majority of online mobile surfing traffic
8. The iPhone has a large market share
9. The iPhone was the first mobile phone with a touchscreen
10. The iPhone is a technologically advanced mobile phone

For fear of going on suicide watch, I have refrained from ordering the full report, although it is free.

Once again, I'd like to offer you my most sincerest apology. I have been compromised by the dreaded iPhone Syndrome, and am not entirely sure of what to do next. I am thinking of submitting myself to a VH1 celebrity rehab show, preferably one with Dr. Drew... he's the best.

As the strand report has so eloquently put, "the iPhone is surrounded by a multitude of people, media and companies that are happy to bend the truth to defend the product they have purchased from Apple." I, being on of the talking media heads behind the product, should be ashamed. Please find it in your heart to forgive me.

Chris Hall

Posted in: News, MMAHQ
Tagged With: Source Consult
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