Look, I don't want to start an argument because of my excellent content writing skills, but anyone who's anyone knows that Luigi is the best of the Mario brothers. I mean, for starters his first name and his second name aren't exactly the same. That instantly makes him more trustworthy.

Plus he's the underdog, the other brother, the charming moustache-wearing loser who secretly we all root for. He's more than the player two character, he's an institution. I mean he had a whole year dedicated to him. Remember that? That was a thing that actually happened.

To that end, here are just some of the reasons that it should be Luigi spearheading Nintendo's next mobile game and not his stupid brother whose name I've already pretty much forgotten. Martin or something, I think.

He wears green

Everyone knows that green means go. Red means stop, and danger, and loads of other bad things. Red tells you what to do, green lets you have the best time ever. Also most of the best drinks are green. I can think of like 7 drinks that are green and they're all great.

Think of all the good things that have ever happened to you. They're probably green as well. Now think of the bad things. Definitely red. I mean I'm not saying that this is scientific proof, but it basically is scientific proof.

He's taller

Let's not beat around the bush here, tall people are just generally better than short people. And I'm not saying this because I'm a tall person. Actually I am saying this because I'm a tall person. I've never been a short person so I don't know what it's like.

Fine, this is all tangential at best. And at worst it's a bit offensive, but the churn rate of internet content demands that I fill at least five spaces on this list, so that's exactly what I'm doing. Seriously, try being tall for a day, it's great. You can reach high stuff. I don't know.

He fights ghosts more often

The Luigi's Mansion series is horribly underrated. It's got ghosts and vacuum cleaners and, and I say this without any shred of irony, it has some of the best noises that any game has ever had in the history of games that have noises in them.

There just aren't enough ghosts in games any more, especially on mobile, so why not put Luigi on mobile and he can bring all of his ghost friends with him. I presume they all hang out waiting for a call, staring glumly across at Mario's enormous castle from the squalid, vacuum-filled bedsit they all share.

He's far more memetic

Sure everyone knows who Mario is, but there's something about Luigi that makes him a far better target for viral content. He's super meme-able, which means a mobile game with him in it would lead to more memes.

And memes mean we don't really have to pay attention to any of the awful things that are going on around us. Hahaha that gorilla stuff is so funny. I've noticed all of these entries are actually quite depressing so I'm going to make the next one way more funny.

I just want Luigi to be happy

It can't be easy living in the shadow of an more famous older brother, and sometimes I worry about Luigi. Like, he seems fine and cool with it all, but there must be a lot of strain on him, and I think we should all try and make his life a bit better.

So let's petition Nintendo to make a game where you just give Luigi hugs and tell him that's it's going to be okay, that we love him and respect him and that we're super glad that he's alive. Wouldn't that be lovely and life affirming? The campaign for Super Luigi Hugging Friends GO starts right now!

This face

Just look at it.

Oh, and Waluigi

Why isn't Waluigi called Wuigi? It just seems like such a cop-out if you ask me. Anyway, he's cool too and he could be in the game, I don't really mind.

Posted in: News, Lists
Tagged With: Mario, Nintendo, Luigi, Mario Brothers
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