Developer: Freeverse & h.grenade
Price: $0.99
Version Reviewed: 1.0

Graphics / Sound Rating: ★★★★★
Game Controls Rating: ★★★★½
Gameplay Rating: ★★★★☆
Re-use / Replay Value Rating: ★★½☆☆

Overall Rating: ★★★★☆

Zombie Cannon Carnage is a very tough game to review. The game oozes style, more so than just about any other game in the store, but there really isn’t very much to do. I’ve come to a point though with app pricing to where I just don’t know how much I should expect from a game that costs a dollar. I can go to McDonald’s and eat a dollar burger in about a minute without feeling full at all. That dollar burger though feels like the deal of the year. Food for a dollar! I’ll get 5! When apps are a dollar though, people start checking their bank accounts to make sure that they will still be on track to retire at 65.

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So this time I’m going to look at an app for what it is. Zombie Cannon Carnage doesn’t want to be your entire meal, it just wants to be that perfect bowl of pre-dinner guacamole. To complete my analogy I should probably have something represent dinner, but I’ve got nothing. Much like your favorite guacamole, Zombie Cannon Carnage looks fantastic, plays great for awhile, but really doesn’t do much for an aftertaste.

The game really is just a mixture of catapult launching with a stair dismount style, pain maximizing point system. You start with your zombie inside of a canon. The story says that you are in a cannon because “with no other options, a fierce need to feed and a couple of spare circus parts they (the zombies) quickly build a cannon in a brilliant attempt to fire themselves back into space. This plan will never work, but at the very least they can save some hapless and unfortunate humans along the way and then eat their brains.” So you shoot yourself at a trajectory or your choice and try to maximize your damage.
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Once the cannon is shot, you are given thrust controls that will propel you further through the level in an effort to hit as much as possible, and once your zombie can’t take anymore pain, you can self destruct… multiple times, causing even more hurt upon the poor city below. Because the developers are kind, they give you three tries at this destructive task, giving you money to upgrade yourself between each. You can upgrade your cannon to shoot further, upgrade your fuel to self destruct better, armor to take more hits before you have to self destruct, and bonus items to help you blow up more along the way.

As I’ve said before, the overall style in Zombie Cannon Carnage is top notch. The graphics are grimy in the best sort of way, and while the text is sparse, it is all really funny and used perfectly. My only complaint here is that there is not enough of it. In fact, there was not enough of anything. Continuing my guacamole analogy, Zombie Cannon Carnage is like the best kind of guacamole at the fanciest of restaurants. It’s amazing, but there is just a little dollop. Levels are over far too fast, not really grasping their full fun potential, and the writing, while amazing, just isn’t there enough. I’d love to see some kind of story mode included, just to give the game a bit more meat. I want more avocado in my guacamole, I just can’t help it.

You’ll end up spending a decent amount of time unlocking all three zombie characters and hitting all the in game goals, but after that, the game is done. When I say done, I don’t mean done in the sense that you’ll pick it up in a week, I mean that it is done. Unless some game depth updates are made, after an hour or two of gameplay, you’ll be happy, but very through with it. Back to my original point though, at 99 cents, how much game do you really expect? Next time you’re at McDonald’s, skip one of the buggers and get Zombie Cannon Carnage, you’ll be a much happier person.

Man this review made me hungry.

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