Don't buy this app 12+

Truly life changing !!!

I had been drinking the night before ,hammered talking to my puppet friend about how my life was so messed up , I lost my job, my girlfriend cheated on me, and my dog was killed. But despite all that I still had my puppet friend who listened to all my woes! I went home that night sobbing and puking everywhere and when I woke up I had lost another thing dignity and pride as a homosapien... I looked over to my right and to no avail my puppet friend was there sleeping peacefully... that’s what I thought but I was wrong for my puppet friend was DEAD! With me having lost everything I held dear to me I searched the web in order to find some inkling of hope a light of happiness , and then this app appeared in front of my eyes ,calling my name so I tried it out. The next day I woke up I had tons of notifications on my phone job interviews piled up! I went to the interview and to my surprise I got the job!! Not even a week later a promotion and girls swarming me asking ,no begging for my number!! The next thing I knew I was famous paparazzi meet me at my house, red carpets laid in front of me !! I even got to meet the queen of England ! If anything this app helped me in ways no one could imagine before my life was horrible ,terrifying ! But now it’s all better because I got this app.

Developer Response ,

Your story really packs quite an emotional punch, and as the developer of this app, I'd like to take this opportunity to dance.

[I know you can't see but I am doing "the robot" very skillfully]

One stray thought about your expired puppet friend though, because this just keeps gnawing at me: did you try putting your hand back in it?

magnificent, better than tinder

i havent felt more alive in YEARS!!! my wife left me recently, leaving me in a pit of utter despair. I've just been wandering the streets of London looking for.... something....anything.... for about two months now. I eventually saved up enough money from guilt tripping strangers and bought a smart phone, hoping it could give me joy. i downloaded app after app, but the deep pit inside of me just grew deeper and deeper, each game and lifestyle app i downloaded seemed to trap a part of my soul inside. then, as i stood on the precipice of oblivion, about to cast my new phone into the English Channel, I accidentally downloaded this app, and suddenly life just rushed back into me like a big ol' speedball, which i had also just done a couple of. now, just weeks after getting this app, my life has changed monumentally. I have been knighted by the Queen, and Im not even British!! I'm from New Jersey. I'm also the second richest person in the U.K. Now if thats not enough to make you download this app, then you are truly lost for good. I hope my story will inspire others to download this app and have their lives be changed like mine. I LOVE YOU!

read this please.

this game is the most fantastic thing that’s ever happened to me, I needed this in my life o my lord it’s so beautiful how could something so amazing exist wow, my eyeballs are crying so happy why whyyyyy. Thank you for making my life complete here is a full paragraph about pandas:

Pandas live in bamboo filled forests and eat it as well. they are an endangered species of animal and need to be protected because they are sweet baby angel. Anyway pandas have white fur with black ears, paws, and circles around their eyes that make them look like they haven’t slept for 5 weeks and that’s so adorable. They are so adorable I love them. Love them too or I will dēśtrœÿ ÿøû. Bye beautiful human, have a good life. Don’t die.. yet. Also if you are in a midlife crisis I recommend watching mama mia here we go again. Eat your teeth and brush your vegetables goodbye sweet child.